In the first of a series of columns, Integrative Counsellor Sam Grainger takes a personal look at life transitions and explains why they can be so hard to navigate
How do you manage life transitions? We all go through transitions at various stages of life from childhood right up to retirement and beyond. The first question to answer is what is a transition? A life transition represents a meaningful change in your life. This could be related to a role, responsibility, or a routine. Transitions can be positive or negative. The key is they all require a period of readjustment. Even if this transition is positive, it can still cause a period of stress as you adapt to that change.
When we enter a new life transition we also go through a period of reflection, and this can also be challenging. We look back and contemplate where we are in our lives right now. Use this as the driving force to move forward.
Another factor affecting our ability to navigate this period of transition is: what type of transition are you experiencing? Merriam.S. B (2005) splits life transitions into four areas: anticipated, unanticipated, non-event and sleeper.
Anticipated: This speaks for itself- you are expecting to go through this at some point. It could be starting a new job, getting married, having a baby, or retiring.
Unanticipated: Sudden and unplanned events such as an illness/accident, losing your job, sudden death of a loved one or a relationship breakdown.
Non- event: When something you expected does not happen. You expected to be at a certain stage in your life by a certain point and it did not work out that way. So, difficulties conceiving, lack of career progression, being stuck in the grief cycle and unable to move forward.
Sleeper: These are the ones that come from nowhere and can be positive or negative. They are sometimes hard to identify, and you are unaware of the change because it slowly happens without realisation. A negative of this can be alcohol addiction or a slow decline in health. A positive can be finding the strength to push forward.
Can you think of your most recent life transition?
Was it anticipated, unanticipated, a non- event or sleeper?
How did you manage this transition?
What changed and what did you learn about yourself?
I have recently been through my own anticipated life transition. I left my secure job that I had been in for 28 years. I spent hours questioning if I was doing the right thing – after all, my job was part of my identity. I questioned my sanity quite often; part of me felt excited, the other part terrified. I am still adjusting today but I now know it was the right decision for me.
What is important to remember is yes, we all like life to feel peaceful and calm. Would it not be nice if we could stay cocooned in our own comfortable little world? Change can feel scary.
THE REALITY:
Life is ever changing and the experience of navigating these different transitions is what helps us to grow and allows us to develop a greater sense of self. Acknowledge the change, notice your response to the change and reflect on the impact of this change. Being aware of the positive and negative emotions surrounding the change are a sign of strength and growth.
“If you are brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new Hello” Paulo Coelho
I am going to focus on different elements of life transition over the next couple of issues. If you are struggling with a particular life transition and feel that talking and exploring your emotions would help. Contact me to discuss how counselling could help.
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