This month, Becky Demmen-Sewell, Founder of Time To Be Photography, takes a self-care trip to the Sainsbury Centre in Norwich
We have all heard it before.
“You can’t pour from an empty cup.”
“Put your own oxygen mask on first”
And any number of various similar quotes telling us to look after ourselves so that we may have the capacity to help or support others. However, what does that look like?
Self-care has become a large industry and the noise of advice on the internet is very loud. As a result, I find that when I am coming up with ideas for fun things to do to look after myself to ‘refill the cup’ I find that things get muddy. I am not sure what I want to do vs what has been presented as the best way to look after yourself. How do I separate out what is genuine advice and what is simply filling up space next to advert slots. And so! On a Saturday night, when my husband turned to me and suggested that I have a “me” day the following day, my excitement was closely followed by my heart sinking. I didn’t know what I wanted to do.
So, after the quick existential crisis, I got started by googling what was going on in Norwich the next day. I found a few art exhibitions that looked interesting. I had a row of tabs at the top of my browser and as I moved through them, I realised that all these exhibitions were at the Sainsbury Centre for Visual Arts. So, I guess that was where I was going. I tried to get my brain into the same intuitive mindset as when I am photographing. When I am photographing, I can really follow my intuition and curiosity. I find something interesting; I take the photo. It feels so simple and it’s an easy mindset to get into when I have a camera in my hand. So, I practiced it now.
Trying to feel how I felt when I imagined my day out at the Sainsbury Centre. I felt good! Ok. Follow it.
Next, I realised I didn’t really want to just drive there. So, I had a look at the bus and that didn’t feel quite right. My bike! I bought a beautiful new bike for myself this year and in the last few weeks, it had sat unused. It was quite a long bike ride, but I know I can do that distance comfortably. I imagine myself on the bike – Good! Ok. Follow it.
So that was my plan. Once I was ready, I’d go to the Sainsbury Centre via bike, have a wander, take some photos inevitably, and then head on home again. How did it go?
Now this won’t be a review of the Sainsbury Centre and the amazing current exhibitions. I won’t be going in depth on what I saw. If you have a decent bit of time, I would highly recommend going. I had a great time. My day was slow, wholesome and very restorative. Here are some photos and thoughts:
Now I am no expert, and I recognise the irony of complaining about all the self-care advice, in an article where I am possibly contributing to that noise. The reason I wanted to write this, was when I was searching for ideas of what to do, I wanted to see more local folk just doing their cute little days to inspire me. So, I thought why not! This is what I have learnt from this day and days like it that I have done in the past, take what sounds good to you and leave the rest:
1. Give yourself the chance to do something you enjoy, but somewhere new. The day doesn’t have to be about that. For example, my day to the Sainsbury Centre was about refilling my creative well by looking at other art and feeling inspired by the ideas explored by others AND I got to have fun taking photos.
It provided novelty. A bit of novelty even if you are just down the road can make you feel like you have had a whole holiday.
2. Have a plan. It can be detailed with times and an itinerary. It could be vibes based. It doesn’t matter. Just don’t leave your day to chance. The number of times I have had me time set aside, and it’s just vanished because I can’t make a decision is so frustrating to me (thanks ADHD). Make the plan you know you need to take action.
3. Let go of the self-care day you aren’t going to have today. I found when I was planning, I was almost already sad about the days I wasn’t going to have if I locked in a plan. So, I saved information for anything I could do another day and now I have a helpful bank of ideas for next time. And if I couldn’t do it another day, I just tried to let it go. Making a plan means excluding the things that aren’t in the plan.
4. Don’t forget food. I am gluten free, so I always need to think a bit about food and have a plan. Because I thought about it, it meant I had the extra treat of a cute little picnic.
5. If you are done, you are done. It can be tempting to really make the day last because you want to make the ‘most’ of it. But after a few hours I was done, I wanted a coffee before I headed back on my bike ride home, so I went and did that. I made some notes on things I enjoyed and felt inspired by, scraps of ideas of future creative projects and seeds of things that I don’t know what they will be yet. I visited the gift shop, but then it was time to go. Did it feel a bit like a waste when I knew my bit of “me time” could have been longer? Did it feel like I hadn’t ‘completed’ the day? Yeah, a part of me felt like that. It felt like giving up some of my time but dragging it out would have only added time spent but little else.
I think there is a lot more I can say about all of this. It was so wonderful, and I literally felt like a new person after. The exhibitions were interesting and somehow deeply connected to themes I am exploring in my work, the staff were so friendly and cycling there was delightful. I came back with some new ideas and threads to follow, and I felt like I had energy to start exploring it.
When was the last time you had a chance to refuel? What worked well? Is there anything useful here you will take forward?
Featured images – supplied
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