Healing through words

For this month’s column, Norfolk-based Integrative Counsellor Sam Grainger explains why she’s a big fan of the written word in therapy

We all know words are powerful. The way we speak, what we say and the tone we use can create different meanings and interpretations. Words have the power to be harmful or to be helpful. We can use them to heal or as weapons of destruction. The impact of a word/words can remain with the receiver of the words for a very long time; the speaker may never realise the impact.

“Handle them carefully, for words have more power than atom bombs” Pearl Strachan Hurd

In the therapy room, I hear the negative consequences caused by words, daily. Words that remain in the subconscious, words that cannot be forgotten. This can shape an individual’s confidence, self-worth and self-esteem. It can lead to destructive behaviour patterns and really shape the way someone lives their life.

There are many examples of unthoughtful comments – below are just a few examples:

• Criticising someone’s appearance
• To control someone by undermining them
• Suggesting incompetence
• Harsh verbal discipline by parents

It’s not all bad; words can heal and help individuals to repair. I am a big fan of the written word in therapy. Therapeutic letter writing is a way of processing and making sense of strong emotions. I often ask my clients to consider writing certain letters depending on what healing is required. Does it work I hear you ask? Well, from what I have experienced, yes. I have often had an eyeroll and a ‘really you think this will help?’. What I say is just give it a try, what’s the worst that can happen. You don’t get on with it, it does not work for you. It does not work is not the feedback I have received, clients have been surprised that just by finding a quiet space, holding a pen and letting the words flow out what an immense sense of relief they have experienced. It is sometimes painful and can cause tears, strong emotions and regrets.

The idea is that this helps to process emotions that have not been given the attention they require to allow a release. They instead remain stagnant and have a negative impact, keeping someone trapped in the emotion or feeling. Pushing emotions down does not make them go away, they will eventually surface and require your attention. This allows a different perspective.

Any of my clients will tell you I often ask them to just step back from their situation and view it objectively; this is a great way to step back from trauma and shine a different light on the situation. The beauty of this letter is it is yours, no one needs to receive it, it can be torn up, burned, saved for another day.

The idea is that it’s an honest letter you can just sit and allow all your emotions, regrets, and needs into the letter. There is nothing that cannot be said. It does not have to be polite; it needs to be raw and real.

The types of letter styles I use in the therapy room:

Letters to past/present relationships:

• You didn’t get a chance to say goodbye or say what you needed to say before a loved one died.
• Someone has caused you distress and you need to make sense of it and acknowledge your hurt.
• You need to ask for someone’s forgiveness.

Letter to yourself:

• The time capsule letter- a letter of kindness to yourself, exploring where you are right now- to be opened at a chosen future date.
• A letter to the child version of you acknowledging the struggle of the child, allowing that child to experience comfort and healing.
• A letter to yourself in the present that is f=kind and encouraging

Letter to an illness/disability:

• This allows you to step back and see yourself has more than a one dimensional being ruled by the illness/disability/addiction.

There are some considerations and, from my perspective as the therapist, the question I would ask myself is: is this the right time in the therapeutic process for this to be helpful?

“Just by telling your story (or even writing it), you begin to release its negative effects on your body” Marcelle Pick

I hope you have found this snapshot useful, and you find my writing helpful. I write in an uncomplicated way because this is how I understand the world. I do not want to blind you with psychological formulas, just simple explanations.

Visit Sam Grainger Counselling.

Featured image of Sam Grainger by Amanda Warman Photography