
Norwich businessman James Groves and his wife Harriet had been trying for a baby for four years, without success, and were facing another year of disappointment and trying to move on with their lives. Then lockdown happened, a Labradoodle puppy called Betsy came along, and…can you guess what happens next?
My life has ultimately been amazing and one I am grateful for. With that being said, there have been challenges along the way. I was never the most academic, so I needed to find something I had a passion for and something I felt I could excel in. This ended up being performing arts. I loved acting mainly and, every opportunity I had, I would jump on the stage, whether it be the school play, a pantomime in my hometown of Sheringham or a musical on Cromer Pier.
I loved it and, without it, I would have remained the shy boy that arrived at Sheringham High School back in 1994. I truly believe my passion for acting has led me to where I am today and allowed me to nurture and cherish all of the amazing relationships I have with the people around me.
I was married and divorced by the time I reached my mid-20s and this, whilst a challenging time, shaped me, allowed me to grow and led me on the path I have taken for the last 10-plus years. These are what I call ‘The Ten’.
From 2010 to 2020 I have been able to create a career for myself at Indigo Swan, culminating in me becoming Managing Director in 2019 and leading the company to a record year and regional and national recognition.
I have met my soul mate Harriet (in a kebab shop no less, more on that later), got married and we are now at the beginning of the journey I am here to talk to you about and one that has been long, emotional, not spoken of with many until now, and one that has allowed me to hopefully excel when it comes to personal relationships, mentoring and leadership. My life has been great, full of happiness, and a little sadness but ultimately lots of adventures and what more could anyone ask for?
I met Mrs G (Harriet or Hazzle as I call her) in a kebab shop in Norwich. It was a rare night as I hadn’t been drinking much and had been looking after a friend with a broken leg.
Thankfully this meant that when I met Harriet I was in a good way, on top form (she may not agree) and sober enough to give my number, hoping I would hear from her again. Thankfully I did, and we met the following week – the last seven and a half years, as they say, is history.
We were married in 2016 and this is when we started our quest to start a family. You go into this sort of thing thinking ‘we will be fine, we will give it a year and then bam, here comes mini Groves’.
Well, sadly for us and many others, this wasn’t meant to be. We went for the tests and due to certain factors, we were told there was very little chance of us having a child, even with the help of IVF.
Little chance is key here and is not no chance. Knowing how invasive the IVF process can be, we thought we would just give it time and see what happened, perhaps we would get pregnant over the next year; perhaps we could avoid this process.
More time passed and still nothing. Friends were getting pregnant, colleagues were getting pregnant, my brother had two wonderful boys and I thought there was something else planned for Hazzle and I.
At the end of 2019 we decided that IVF might be worth a go and decided that we would have one final holiday and then go from there. We love travelling and this has been the thing that has kept us going and, with the time we have, we wanted to make as many memories as we could, children or no children.
People have always joked that we love a holiday and yes, we do, but little do they know that our holidays were our way of moving on with life and getting past the disappointment of not starting a family yet.
Lockdown came, Betsy (our dog) came and then our little miracle happened. There won’t be many holidays for a while, but this time the biggest adventure of all is about to begin.
Remember, it wasn’t no chance, it was very little chance. My whole life has been about making the most of little chances and this was the most important little chance I ever had.
Tough, challenging, developmental, collaborative, team, love, kindness, learning, innovative and growth are all words I would use to explain my lockdown experience, personally and professionally. None of us have ever been tested like this.
On one hand it has been amazing to spend time with Harriet and Betsy and getting to be a family seven days a week whilst working from home. On the other hand, professionally, it’s been tough but so very rewarding.
With 19 Swans (our team at Indigo Swan) to look after, worry about and care for, along with the performance and the future of the business, there have been good days and bad days.
The bad days, however, have been there to test us, to help us learn and to help us all be better: better people, better teams, better husbands, better friends and a better company.
There have been people I have reached out to who I really feel I have helped. And there have been people who haven’t wanted help or feel they have help from other sources, but are appreciative, you hope, of the offer and the fact that you are there if needed.
I have been lucky, personally, to have the support of Harriet, who has been my rock and someone who just believes in me no matter what. Harriet being proud of me has never meant more than it has over the last six months.
And I’ve been lucky, professionally (and on some levels personally), to have the support of the amazing team around me at Indigo Swan. Without Aimee, Jaime, Andy, Tom, Hayley and all the other Swans, the last six months would have been a lot tougher from a professional perspective.
Their care, hard work and willingness to get the company through this uncertain time has allowed me to feel truly supported. During this time, we have all grown and I truly believe we and the company will be all the better for it in 2021 and beyond.
Harriet has always wanted a dog since she was small. Me? I was not a dog person. However, I was open to the idea, especially when we thought there would be no family.
We thought our family would be us and Betsy, our amazing Labradoodle. As we entered 2020, we decided it was time and in May we finally found Betsy and she has been a wonderful addition to the Groves family.
It’s been challenging at times, with good days, amazing days and some very bad days, but we wouldn’t change anything. Don’t let anyone tell you having a puppy is easy, it isn’t, but nothing worth having ever is.
Do I feel Betsy played a part in our miracle happening and Harriet’s pregnancy? 100 per cent, how couldn’t she have after four years of nothing? Betsy loves people and other dogs and she is never more excited than, on her two walks a day, meeting people and her dog friends. When at home she has bursts of energy, but loves being curled up in the kitchen when we are cooking or on the floor watching TV with us.
Harriet and I were so used to doing what we wanted when we wanted, but now we had something else to think about and Betsy has allowed us to get used to that and to work our lives out with her in mind – and it’s a joy doing so.
Having a dog is calming. When they sit there and let you stroke them you are overcome with a feeling of calm and relaxation, and their excitement every time they see you is amazing.
On the other hand, when they are mental, you learn to be more patient, control your emotions and work on stress, all things that are extremely important both personally and professionally.
Harriet has loved having someone to get up for in the morning, someone who gets us out of the house for a long walk in the morning, someone to keep her company when I am working away in my office and someone to be responsible for.
We found out the news on July 10 that Harriet was pregnant, at just over seven weeks. Harriet had been watching the guilty pleasure that is the film ‘What To Expect When You’re Expecting’ and thought that due to the normal signs it may be worth taking a test.
Harriet didn’t expect much as due to a number of reasons the normal signs weren’t obvious, and we had been here many times before to no avail. Harriet, however, went and did a test and, boom, there it was, a positive.
I had been on a Teams call with a client and when I came out of my office, Harriet was just standing there crying and asked me to go upstairs with her. When we got upstairs, there in the bathroom was a positive pregnancy test.
We hugged, we were silent, and we were both in shock – we felt this couldn’t be true, it was too good to be true. We jumped in the car and bought another four tests: all positive.
We have truly never been happier, we couldn’t wait to tell our families and close friends and to be honest I still think we are both in shock. The pregnancy has gone well so far and at the 12 week scan it all started to sink in. There they were, little Baby G, our little miracle, our small chance.
My message to anyone in the same position as us is simple. Never ever give up. Always believe, but don’t put your life on hold. Enjoy yourselves, enjoy each other and enjoy the lives you have.
It may never happen so craft out a life you want. Life goes on, things don’t go to plan, but if there is even the smallest chance, then anything is possible. People play the lottery, people bet on the lowest-rated seed in tennis and gold, people go for that job they never thought they would get, people approach people who they think would never be interested in them.
We all take chances, however small they may be. Small chances can lead to big things. In my life, being an MD of a company was a small chance – I worked hard. Harriet saying yes to a date with me was a small chance and I have never been happier and the chance of us being pregnant was small, super small, but in 2021 that small chance becomes the most important thing in our lives.
Take a chance more often, you never know where it might lead.
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